Voice Comment: (920) iPhone-1
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Duration: 43:27 | 26.3MB | Mono |
Taking a break from talking about my trip. A loyal listener of mine suggested the topic of infidelity, and I went with it. You may be surprised with what I have to say. Find out what I think about eternal love.
Ongline Podcast documents the life of a gay Malaysian-born Chinese American. Immerse yourself in the life of a not-so-typical individual. Expand your horizon by experiencing the topics, issues, stories, and simply, the life of a gay Asian man. Until now, the voice of a minority individual has not been this loud!
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OMG, John it took you forever to get around to addressing the topic of this show. So if the two of you have never cheated on one another then how can you really even discuss this issue? You’re merely just offering an opinion not one based on personal experience. Sounds like Jaycee’s partner has cheated on him. Most gay men do cheat at some point on their partner. You have two choices Jaycee. Leave your partner or stay with him. If he cheated once, he is likely to cheat again. He’ll just do a better job of hiding it from you the next time. The better solution here is to TALK, COMMUNICATE with him. Ask him to tell you if he wants to continue in the relationship. If what you want Jaycee is a perfect relationship then you are living in a fairyland. lol One in a million can achieve monogamy. Most are just better at making their partner think they’re into monogamy. He’ll tell you what you want to hear if he knows telling you the truth will end the relationship. Better to be careful with the order of your questions first Jaycee. Don’t give him an ultimatum until you know if he wants an open relationship. If he says he wants to continue having sex with other men and you cannot accept this – then you need to end the relationship. It’s over. Get on with your life. Given all of this. I’d still say that you are being totally unrealistic in what you expect in a gay relationship. I’d think a better solution here is to ask yourself if you care about this person. Does his presence make you feel good? Does he make your heart melt? Perhaps redefine your relationship. Become companions. That you are the #1 person in their life and they the same with you. That you look after one another. And determine that when you are no longer #1., then it would be time to move on. Why do we (gays) think we have to mirror the str8 lifestyle? We are not like them. Why do you think they call us “queer”? We are different and we should celebrate our difference. I guess some think if we act like them they’ll give us what we should already have – EQUALITY. But what has been the result of this? Every time this the issue of gay marriage is put to a vote of the people it is voted down. So much for trying to be nice. Fuck nice. We ought not have to beg to be treated like citizens of this country. It’s our right.
I don’t think this is just a gay relationship challenge. It’s in straight couples as well. It’s just that we are more open to talking about it because we don’t have the “fall back” of marriage and vows they took. Plus, men tend to be more sexual due to our hormones (but boy, have I met and know many very horny girls), and when you put two men together, double the testosterone. Boom!
Struggles of infidelity isn’t mostly in gay relationships, it’s in many supposed monogamous relationships.
Oh, by the way, if we are only to talk about things that we have really been through in our lives, then there’s a lot I won’t talk about. There’s a lot you shouldn’t be talking about.
Very enlightening podcast John, you presented a lot of points and it’s interesting to know your points of view of infidelity.
First of all let me clear my side (as well as my partner’s – who is truly unaware about my being curious of the topic of infidelity), my partner nor have I cheated or strayed out of our relationship – as far as physical contact is concerned and as far as I am aware of. I trust my partner so much as he trust me. I am asking the question of infidelity because it made me wonder about John’s recent exploits and his seemingly regular out of the country adventures and Bruce’s dealing of this situation. I am not saying that I will not be in this dilemma but I am seeking some insights in case.
Just like John said, honesty and truthfulness makes the relationship stronger; and there lots of ingredients in a relationship that need to be build up and strengthen. Once you lose respect, there’s no better move than to let go.
I still believe in monogamy and I also do believe that there are a lot of couples out there, straight or gay, who are into this kind of relationship. I am not looking for an ideal partner nor having a perfect relationship but rather I am hoping that my partner will put my feelings first before he makes a wrong move, vice versa.
Say for example I have been in that situation, I think, I will be more understanding than angry. Nobody’s perfect, all of us make mistakes. But then again, if the cheating involves emotions then that’s a different story. It’s always easy to give opinions than experiencing that situation first hand. I think time will tell, I may stick to my opinions but I don’t know if I will be able to take it lightly.
Thank you John for this podcast and thank you too Nick for your very conclusive and interesting comment.
Sorry John! I guess I misunderstood Jaycees reason for asking about infidelity. He apparently thinks you’ve been cheating on Bruce! lol Apparently lovers can’t travel apart without raising red flags? Isn’t that where TRUST comes in? So John, tell me if I’m correct in my assuming that in your adult life you have been in but one relationship? That being your current one with Bruce? I’d just like to be clear on this? So I wonder WHY Jaycee is so suspecious of you? Maybe he might enlighten us? I’d be curious to know.
I love this episode so much I listened to it 3 times! Wow! I mean it was very personal and intense. Yes, intense. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. It opens my mind listening to what you and others have to say about infidelity in a same-sex relationship. It also got me thinking about how my previous ideology of a same-sex relationship based strictly on the conservative notion of an “opposite marriage” (as how Carrie Prejean would put it) has affected my relationship of 6 years.
I love your “infidelity in your pants or in your brain (or is it in your mind)” analogy. I couldn’t agree more with you. And it couldn’t be said any better. It was hard to think straight when I first discovered my partner was “snacking”. Both of us were inexperience I must admit. (I was 27 he was 35.) I kept harping on the action of infidelity and failed to find out where his heart and mind were. I guess it was how we drifted apart. There were communications, but they turned into blaming games all too quickly too often. I was too conservative, too restrictive in my approach. (Don’t get me wrong but I did give him a lot of space and freedom.) Up until 2 years ago I still harbored the thought that he was the one to blame. But now, the new me is starting to look at things differently, more liberal if you may, away from the traditional views and expectations of a relationship and more emphasis on that thing between the ears and less on the thing between our legs. Had I known and accepted such way of thinking earlier, I would have dealt with it differently, and maybe the relationship would have taken a different turn, maybe even becoming stronger. Maybe. But growing up in a society where relationships are mostly monogamous, no leeway, no discount (at least in mine), I suppose a lot of us have to constantly be reminded not to get overly sticky with the action of infidelity but rather the causes behind it. And your episode did just that. The one thing that was hard for me personally is that I always believe physical intimacy and love must always go together and that the occasional outdoor rendezvous or flirting means betrayal. Full stop. But like you’ve said again and again, I rather he be with me because he wants to, not because he is forced to by me, by a vow, or by a paper. There is no need to put anyone on a leash (unless you are into BDSM). If he loves you, he loves you. That means even if one has to spend a lot of time away from his partner. After all, if you love someone, you would want him to be happy wouldn’t you.
Speaking of spending time away, apparently Jaycee is concerned with John’s regular travels. Why is that a problem? What does Jaycee mean by John’s exploits and adventures? Am I missing something here? Which episode was that? LOL!
And I wonder what makes Jaycee think the other person who is not traveling will not or cannot possibly be adventurous?
Again, thanks for sharing, John. Love your podcast. Purleeease don’t stop.
And hello Nick. Thanks for sharing. I listen to you too, occasionally. 🙂
Only occasionally Chris NG? 🙁 If I were John the guy I’ve seen on here who I’d find the most cheat worthy would be Steve. I remember that video of John and Steve eating ice cream and how Steve’s eyes just made me melt!!! Oh may! John, do you still have that video of you and Steve. I’d really like to see that one again. I know things didn’t work out between you and Steve in your friendship. Still not to clear about that drama. But if I were to cheat with anyone I’ve seen you around on here it would be STEVE. mmm
I found the video its here:
http://onglinepodcast.com/media/OnglineV-2007-06-28.m4v
Hey Nick, thanks for the video. Now you got me craving for ice-cream! I was staring at the ice-creams the whole time. Argh!
It was two friends out having fun. I do that all the time with my friends. I even feed them sometimes. Hahaha…
Thanks again.
Hey Nick. Thanks for the video. Now I am craving for ice-creams! Couldn’t take my eyes off the Sheridan’s. Hahaha…