Voice Comment: (920) iPhone-1
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The power of coming out. We should do ALL we can to make the world a better place for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning children to be who they are. Podcasters have a voice. When everything else fail, there is still a spark of hope.
Talk to the The Trevor Lifeline 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).
Use the The Trevor Project to help the teens around you, or yourself.
Text: TREVOR to 85944 and donate $5 to The Trevor Project
Chris Colfer for The Trevor Project – It Gets Better from The Trevor Project on Vimeo.
John,
I wanted to post this because I just listened to your podcast. I’ve missed your weekly updates as you have been busy and have listened to a few other podcasts during the past few weeks. All of them have been talking about the recent spotlight placed on gay teen suicide and listening to them has give me reason to think. I was contemplating recording a video and placing it on youtube’s “it gets better,” but for some reason I just never did. As you may know, I am a gay man that’s been married for two years and lived with my husband 7 years prior. I have always known that I didn’t want children, and in that thought, I never really thought much about them. Sure, babies are cute, and it’s always nice to hear of friends whose children have said or done cute things…but I just never had that certain “spot” in my heart for children. I guess you could say that there’s always been a sort-of disconnect between the thoughts of my life and those of children. Then, listening to your podcast today, I somehow made a connection; a new thought was planted in my brain. There ARE gay children. I was a gay boy years ago. Maybe, there was a closer connection to some children than I had thought. I am gay and there are gay children. I had never thought about this.
As you spoke about your experiences in the church and your struggles with being gay, I identified a lot. Not so much because of my family’s religious beliefs, but because of a sub-standard public educational system, my parents enrolled me in a private, Christian school in which I stayed in from the fourth grade through graduation. I was naive though that I didn’t even realize I was “gay” until late in my teens. I knew what I liked, I knew I liked other boys, but I somehow didn’t put that together as being gay. I was fortunate in the way that my school did not tolerate bullying, yet unfortunate in that I knew deep inside that the way I felt was a “sin” and I was not in God’s favor. I was never really bullied by the other students, but the doctrine that I was being taught bullied my spirit.
I never contemplated committing suicide, but I can tell you that my teenage years and early 20’s were sad. It wasn’t until my mid 20’s when I came out that my life really began. With that, I found the confidence to go back to University and get my Master’s, made honest friends who have stuck by me, built a successful career, fell in love, purchased a home, and am now married. I truly believe that coming out was a catalyst for all these wonderful things. I appreciated hearing you say the same sentiment on your show.
Back to the children, now. In listening to your podcast, I couldn’t help but think of all the gay teens in Malaysia/SE Asia whose lives you are positively effecting. It is true that we have a huge problem here in the US as witnessed by the high gay suicide rates, but I can only imagine what it must be like in Asia, let alone a Muslim country such as Maylasia.
My husband, being from KL, never speaks much of what it was like being gay and living in Malaysia. I think it’s his personality that keeps him quiet on the subject, but I know, from having a little taste of it in my teenage years, what it is like to be surrounded by those that believe that who you are is “wrong” to the core. What you do…touches lives. I’m positive of it. Thinking about this, and my “new found” connection with many children because of thier sexuality, has really made me think. I wanted to thank you for stirring these emotions inside of me and setting me on the process of discovering what I could do to help change my world and ALL the children who live in it. I’ve not yet processed how I could most effect this change, but I will. When I do, I’ll have you to thank…better yet, hopefully the ripple effect you have set in motion will help me touch someone’s life, the way you have touched so many.
Your mother was right. You were made gay and put here to use your voice to spread tolerance, kindness, and love. Thank your mother for me for raising such an insighful and thoughtful son.
Respectfully, Todd
Todd, thank you so much for sharing your experience and reaction to this podcast.
I think people would find this very encouraging. The little things we do, do touch lives.
Thanks again for sharing. And always, for your support.
yeah john,
I fully agree with u at pray not to change your self, but pray to be what n who you are.
Cheers.
Hey John,
It’s me Jashi, again. I’m 21, from Hawaii. (Filipino).
Just wanted to say I enjoyed this past podcast about coming out. I came out a couple years ago on Thanksgiving night (I know talk about the right place and time) and it was quite the epic night for me. Although I have been out to my parents for only a couple years now, I have always been out to my friends and others around me. It was a tough ride, hiding all these years from my parents. However it was quite a relief coming out to them as well. Hiding all those years drove me nuts. I personally have had those thoughts of removing myself from life; believing that I would never be accepted by my parents. I did have loyal friends by my side to help me and guide me away from wasting my life. I can’t express how much I care for them for sticking by my side the whole time through high school.
I also am living in the boundaries of an Asian Catholic household and although I’m out to my parents and everyone else, I still find it difficult to be myself at home or even visiting relatives. They do not accept homosexuality at all, but they came to agree that I am still their son. However, there are limits to showing I am gay at home and expressing certain emotions that may be signs of being gay to my parents. Therefore I still feel like I live two lives. I am how I am regardless if I’m at home, at work, or with my friends. It’s just that I feel the need to be a certain way when I’m at home. At work, of course, there’s rules, but I have that freedom to express myself and be how I wish to feel a while maintaining professionalism. With my friends, I who I am and I express freely that I am gay; expressing I am comfortable with my sexuality.
I guess what I’m trying to say that there is a yin and yang to everyone’s coming out. Some more are worse than others. Yes, it is such a great relief but sometimes, coming out branches more challenges. I’m glad it is no longer a secret from my parents, but now they want nothing to do with my personal life. At first I was okay with that, but then I began to realize that there are still boundaries and things to keep away from my parents. I can’t bring a boyfriend or significant other to meet the family, to spend the holidays with, or anything of the sort. Don’t get me wrong though, I love my parents very much and I know I hold a duty to respect my parents and their rules. It’s just there are times when I think about this little problem and I start to feel left. I feel like it’s unfair at times. I suppose it’s just something I need to live through and cope with.
In all listening to your podcast about coming out was very touching. I am more than thankful that someone like you is able to reach out to the ones who are struggling and offer help. Your mother is right about that! It is one thing to have had gone down that road once before, but it’s another challenge to help someone else walk that same path. I know there are many out there who would feel the same about you and what you do.
Much Mahalo to you John. Thank you, again, for putting it out there that we are not alone out there.
-jashi~
Jashi, thanks for sharing your coming out story. Not all stories are the same. And not all of them is a complete success or failure. In most cases, the coming out process is for both you and your loved ones. They need time to process.
It will be an ongoing process.
I hope it will all turn out good.
Thanks for your support to the show and myself.
I’m sure by now you have heard about the speech of Joel Burns, the gay councilman from Texas. It made me cry. Bravo! for his bravery and Bravo! for your commitment in supporting the gay community.
“Coming out” is easier said than done John especially if you live in an environment where most of the people around you don’t care to understand and most of the time are hypocritical. I grew up in a traditional Catholic environment (family, school and neighbors) and during my younger days and up to now I witnessed gays (including myself) being ridiculed more than being praised. It’s like being gay is having leprosy or some kind of contagious disease that everyone else doesn’t want to be near with or be linked to and more often than not being the laughing stock of the group.
I’m just glad I grew old and is able to defend myself, be myself and make the best out of me. Still, I cannot get away with the memories of the past and the reality of the present. I still have some of my family members who, in one way or another, hates the idea of being gay. But I do always try to understand them more than they do to me.
Moving in U.S. did not totally liberate me with my inner self because there are still these “traditional” people who have hearts of steel, blinded eyes, and inconsiderate minds (God bless and have mercy on them).
As we are still struggling with the battle between the male and female species, it will still be a long way before genders outside of these two categories will be recognized and considered.
But I know for sure it will be better and it will get better.
Have a great week.
Dear John,
I’m Nathan Goh, a Singaporean gay writer.
I have recently published a gay novel titled “Blame It On The Raging Hormones” and I was hoping to talk about the book on your podcast
I would like to send you more details via email
What’s your email add? 😀
Thanks
Regards,
Nathan Goh
whambam01@gmail.com
Thank you Jaycee for sharing your story and represent those whose time isn’t right to be out yet. Trust me, I know how that was.