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Show #229 | Duration: 1:31:03 | 41.9 MB | Mono |
Alden is back again and share some personal stories and experience of being a gay father of two boys. The show is 1.5 hours. Listen to it at separate times, but you wouldn’t want to miss any part of it. We talked about dating as a gay man with two sons, our own fathers, and a lot more.
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Update: My sister is responding very well to her latest treatment. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Good to hear that your sister is doing fine. Hope she gets well soon. May god bless her always.
Hi John – not sure if you want to bother re-editing the podcast, but you intro’d it as 228 not 229.
Liked the interview…one thing that was missed as far as advice goes that I would like to add, is that the decisions you make about the life you want to lead end up involving other people. That could particularly hurt the other person down the road in the relationship if you choose to “live a lie”. Always be true to your self and don’t let the lies affect other people.
I am glad for Aiden that things worked out good and that he seems to have found a good balance in his life.
Thanks Jepunlauee.
Brad, I’m too lazy to edit the number. But thanks for pointing it out. 🙂
I agree with your point of our “lie” hurts others.
John,
OK something serious from my end this time. I think it is a personal choice whether you want to have children or not ; marriage for that matter as well. I cannot imagine putting my child through the same situations that I’ve lived through. I love children and being gay and the decision not to have a child was not made lightly but necessary.
I cannot be that selfish and prefer to self-reflect on my decisions – if it involves others than it complicates matters and knowing what I know, I prefer to be idealistic and ignorant if I could but alas. Not everyone has the strength to work things out at multiple levels and sometimes people do break like porcelain. Sometimes the fix makes it beautiful and gives character but sometimes the pieces shatter and cannot be put together.
We have to be responsible for the choices we make and we cannot pull people into our lives because we have not considered the options long-term. I want the people that I love to be a willing participant in our shared journey/lives.
John,
Great show glad to hear about your sister. Hope she pulls all the way through soon. This podcast resonated with me. I have a 6 year old son, and people assume a single father is already a derelict and incapable of raising a child alone (teachers, other parents) even though I have substantial financial means. The gay aspect really complicates things. My son attends a private Christian school and this won’t continue for long because my belief is system is at odds. Anyway I enjoyed this podcast as there were so many similarities to my own situation, I don’t post much but I listen regularly.
Dave
Thanks Hadi for your input. I believe in responsibility of our own actions too. Sometimes we learn to do that though paths that others have walked.
Dave, thank you for your comment. It is especially meaningful for me to hear from a listener who is usually quiet. That tells me there are things that resonate with you. We are beings of connections, if we all see that sort of connections in our lives, I think the world would be a better place for all. I appreciate your sharing.
So maybe this was answered. But I’m not clear why Alden felt a need to suppress his homosexuality? Did he always have feelings for the same sex? Was there a religious reason for denying his sexuality in the beginning? I think if anyone is going to be a part of Alden’s life, they are going to also have to be a part of his children’s life. I donno about the wife though! Is there bitterness beneath the surface as for the wife’s feelings? Don’t hide who you are from your children Alden. You’ll have a better time of it if they know early in their lives. You sound like a really nice guy. I wish you the best. Aaaah, I’m getting to the part where you talk about religion playing a part in all this. Cannot wait to hear more about this. But I find that religion is often time a reason why many within the gay community have a problem coming to accept themselves. We’re rejected by God and mainstream Christians or so some say. It is all bound to affect our day to day life. Thanks for opening up to us Alden.
Nick,
I suppressed it because it was not how I was taught or raised to be. Personally, yes, it does have to do with the religious indoctrination that creates a narrow mind. In my youthful determination I rejected everything else so severely that it blinded me when it came time to face up to my true attractions. It’s partially why I don’t think I got much out of how I was raised and I believe I ask a lot more questions with my boys rather than a forceful hand that will hate.
They will without a doubt be raised in part with these ideas, but in the end I can only teach my own to weigh the options and make a decision accordingly. I also believe it’s difficult to ascertain sometimes because they are still just learning how to grasp concepts like this. As they are growing older, when a situation presents itself, I try to instill a sense of thought in them instead of an authoritative dictation. The why behind any discipline is equally important than just keeping them out of trouble, in helping that independent thought process along. Otherwise we really are just training wild animals to behave instead of human beings to think. Direction is important and I will be glad to share any experience that I have with them when the time comes.
Some would disagree with this method of parenting and that’s fine. Every kid is different and I don’t think there are set rules. Keep them safe, keep them loved and give them the abilities to thrive.
I have to respect all the parties involved. I’m absolutely certain my ex-wife is struggling with this from time to time. I’m really not bitter at all, just a little disappointed. I was a little hurt when I could not introduce my boyfriend to the boys because she isn’t ready. But I get over it. I respect her decisions, as they do often have to turn into OUR decisions, when it comes to raising our kids.
For me, there was no other accepted path that I was taught. The only “right” way was to marry a woman and have kids. And so I did and here I am. I still to this day have problems being open-minded, but because of my kids I catch myself all the time having to stop and consider rather than blindly flail accusations and opinions. I hope that helps a little with understanding where I came from.
Thanks for all the love folks.
Peace,
Alden
So Alden how do you feel you’re ex-wife is dealing with all this., i.e., your new love interest and all. Is she dating? Do you guys share custody of the boys? Sorry to ask so many questions. N e way I found this one of the most interesting podcasts. Hope you’ll do more John Ong. You were my inspiration for podcasting. BTW, Do you podcast Alden? If not, you definitely should. I’d listen.