Voice Comment: (206) 888-JOHN
:: download file :: listen on iPhone ::
Duration: 35:04 | 16.5 MB | Mono |
I’m scaling down. In more ways than one. Instead of telling you about my opinion about China, how the West look at China, and all the big issues, I’m telling you a very personal story about my growing up, being a little gay boy.
Ongline Podcast documents the life of a gay Malaysian-born Chinese American. Immerse yourself in the life of a not-so-typical individual. Expand your horizon by experiencing the topics, issues, stories, and simply, the life of a gay Asian man. Until now, the voice of a minority individual has not been this loud!
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You completely adorable in that picture! You look very happy.
Nice to hear about your young life. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak of these things before. I have to agree with Jonathan (above). You were a cute little boy – now a grown up man still maintaining his cuteness. I realized I was different when the other boys began to talk about girls and I wondered what all the fuss was about. It wasn’t that I wanted sex from a boy. I didn’t even know about those things till much later. I did like wrestling boys. I’m certain my penis grew stiff at that and that in and of itself was a good thing and quite satisfying. Just being close to another boy was nice. By the time I discovered sex I was so self conscience about the way I looked being such a skinny boy that I just isolated myself from the world. I wasn’t comfortable in my skin either. I just knew I wasn’t like the “other boys”. The isolation made it difficult for me to be around anyone my age. My fear grew. I never had a best friend when I was in grade school. I never had anyone to spend the night with me. All of this accumulated to the point where I felt like the oddest guy in this big world. A world I didn’t feel comfortable in. Those feelings have followed me into adulthood. Now I get by – by pretending I’m not myself. It’s like I’m wearing a mask. That no one can really see the real me. That is what makes life bearable. But it hasn’t made things better. It has only made life harder and this is probably why I’ve found it so hard to love life. To want to be here. To want to stay. But I reluctantly trudge along. Sorry for the senseless banter. I’ll regret posting this. But what the hell.
Thanks Jonathan. And thanks Nick for sharing.
Thanks John, for the ‘speak up’. 🙂
Hey John,
Touching show! Cute pic. I grew up with 2 older brothers and a younger sister. We were very athletic and the only way I felt different was that I kept getting crushes on friends….
That photo of you are so cute and happy! I enjoy the podcast and definitely put a smile on my face this week……
John, you are my towel turban sister
Yes PB. I see a video podcast coming when we meet again. 🙂
Turban fashion show.