13 Comments

1. 

   Brad on March 19, 2007 at 9:44 am

   This podcast really touched upon a lot that i can relate to.

   As someone who has low self esteem myself, you are right about the difference between having a partner and not having one. It’s definitely a lot worse when you are single, because there really is no one around for that 24/7 support when you need it. A nice word and being able to cuddle with someone would definitely offset a lot of the feelings that i would have.

   I make it a point to compliment my “partnered” friends from time to time (who seem to be growing in number every day), because I remember what it was like for me. Yeah, you may hear it from your partner every day, but at some point it becomes less special when you hear it all the time from the same person. Is it being said just for the sake of it being said? When you hear it from someone else, it kind of validates what you are hearing from your partner. I get lots of nice comments from my partnered friends. Why are they the ones who can see what a catch I am?

   As for me…well, I am doing more qualty “me” stuff instead of worrying about what other people think, which becomes kind of a vicious downturning cycle. It’s like that line from “Secrets” by Madonna : “Until I learned to love myself, I was never ever loving anybody else” Gonna throw myself into softball and tennis and making Brad a better person before I worry about anything else.

   Thanks for a great show. And yes, you are a handsome guy. 😛

2. 

   John Ong on March 19, 2007 at 10:37 am

   I totally agree Brad. But my last week’s revelation was that I was paying attention and focusing on my activities, and not myself. I am learnin now to take care of myself, not just physically, but emotionally. I was looking at other too much, I say too much, because we do depend on others to tell us certain things that would help build our self esteem, but sometimes, getting a simply “I look good”, “I feel great”, can do so much. When I feel good, I carry myself differently. Then we are not depending on others to dictate our self esteem and ultimately happiness. I am still learning. I just started realizing it last week. I know it’s easy said then done. And I also know that compliments coming from your “partnered” friends sometimes doesn’t mean much, but, yes you are attractive, and I think finding a boyfriend isn’t just about you. It’s a two-way street. Now back to you, perhaps taking the compliments in and enjoy it whomever they may be from.

3. 

   Brad on March 19, 2007 at 10:58 am

   Hey I enjoy the compliments – I would just enjoy them more if they came from someone who I had a chance with. I am not a home wrecker, ya know.

   Of course, hearing it from someone who already has a partner does make me realize that they must already appreciate quality, so I guess that puts me in good company. So your compliments are expecially welcome 😀

4. 

   John Ong on March 19, 2007 at 11:02 am

   Brad, I know exactly what your’e talking about. I brushed off so many compliments, and kep focusing on the negatives. And I have decided to try taking all the good ones in, and brush off the negatives. The funny thing is, it may actually make me feel more fabulous, and perhaps appear even more fabulous! 😀

5. 

   Imma (blank) on March 19, 2007 at 12:36 pm

   I heard you say “this is crap show” – oooooooh hell no! your trying to better yourself and that is a truly wondering thing …and talking about it, is the 1st step.

   burp tally = 4 total

   xoxox’s from top to toe.
   Luv U lots – Dag aka Imma (blank)

6. 

   Imma (blank) on March 19, 2007 at 12:46 pm

   ooooh yeah, i got something for U.
   one lil tasty BURP! – doh!

7. 

   Archerr on March 19, 2007 at 6:15 pm

   I agree with the others. I could SO relate to the fat stories. This was not a crap show…sorry you had to record it twice but it was worth it. I brush off compliments too because I’ve carried my fat issues into adulthood. Someday I’ll get over it. Loved the show!

8. 

   Steve on March 19, 2007 at 8:08 pm

   Yes, I still have that clip where I lose it and you laugh your head off, whore.

   RE: “With the help of… myself”

   That’s right. The lightbulb’s got to want to change! Ask Wanda!

   Self-esteem is a weird old thing, but it helps to not beat yourself up, even if that’s making fun of yourself in ways that, even subconsciously, cause you to undermine yourself.

   Also, this was a great show because of your whorenesty. Chai must have thought your first attempt sucked.

9. 

   Hadi on March 19, 2007 at 8:18 pm

   Displacement John. Displacement.

   Checking out Hot guys is a good step – don’t be too bitter coz we are all different and beautiful in our own way. And maybe there some things that apart from good looks that we are all after in the end. Trust me hot guys are not interested in friendship for friendship sake!

   Just focus on getting emotionally healthy and eventually the self – esteem will come back naturally. Anyway, when you are in a relationship you tend to neglect how you look coz the one that love you – love you because you’re you. Don’t let yourself go though…because it will start spiralling out of control. I’ve done that myself.

   Losing weight I have to say is a good step to improve self image. When you’re body feels better, you feel better and you’ll start glowing again. The first step is the hardest so try and try again. YOU WILL GLOW – people can smell healthy testosterone anywhere!

   I’ve lost about 5 kgs for 3 months – the mind is strange though people have been saying yeah you look great!! But I keep thinking that I still look fat because I’m comparing how I look 10 years ago. I’ve realised that the younger me is not going to come back and I have to move on – I need to like the much older me and make it work.

   So cheer up John and move forward. Start eating right, no more chips on the sofa, no more COKE COLA, no more cheesecake and an evening walk (fast) 3 times a week and you’ll look and feel fantastic again. Partners aside – you are your own person as Brad mentioned.

   Till then.

   Ciao.
   Hadi

10. 

    Vincent Tan on March 19, 2007 at 11:45 pm

    John u r not fat, I love the John with a bit meatier, kinda cute & adorable 🙂
    u r always our main attraction ! 🙂

11. 

    Ben on March 21, 2007 at 2:00 am

    OK, let me try this again. 🙂

    I think a lot of gay men have the self-esteem problem. I do. I am always seeking some kind of validation for myself. I find myself trying so hard to make people around me happy and when it doesn’t happen, I am destroyed on the inside and eventually on the outside. I feel like I am constantly doing this, especially to the person I shouldn’t have to validate myself to, but I try to make him happy. (Some Asians are waaaaaay too hard to please.) I definitely need to work out some of those issues in myself.

    And I know what you mean about the whole “I’m not saying this for your sympathy” thing. You know, someone can tell me that I am the most handsome, sexy guy in the world right now and I wouldn’t believe it. People tell me I’m sexy and I don’t believe it. People tell me I’m intelligent (go figure) and I don’t believe it. People can tell me the most wonderful things and I don’t believe it. It’s so hard to listen to people pay me compliments. It always has been. I do like when people tell me that I smell good though… for some reason that makes me happy…

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. People are going to talk their shit. They always do. Don’t let it get to you. There are some really nasty people out there who say the rudest things thinking they’re being cute. But it just makes them an ugly person on the inside.

12. 

    Pat on March 21, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Hey John, your cat, boy reminds me so much bout my little boy. He BROKE my TV, i mean literaly he just pulled it down and the whole thing smashed on the floor. Guess what he did, ran to you and lots of hugs and kisses, he wouldnt stop if u wuldnt say ok ok.. fine i lov u too. Well TV was the only one of many things that he broke.

    The show was great, i still remember when i was in primary school and i think once or twice a year the teacher measured your height and weight in front of the class room with like everybody watching. The moment i stepped on the scale, like the whole class was rushing to the front to find how much i actually weighed. That was something i will never forget. Its bad!@@ But somehow i grew out of the whole ” i think i am fat, ugly n nobody wants me” stage of my life.
    I guess i just learnt how to lov myself better when i look into the mirror and how to accept others compliments when they really mean it. Of coz everybody has their ups and downs n stuff theirselves with like 10 bags chips n dozens of chocolate cake. But its ok, we need that sometimes.

13. 

    John Ong on March 21, 2007 at 11:06 pm

    I want to thank each and everyone of you for your messages and support, including those who sent in the voicemail mesages. I’ll play those on the next show.

    I may have sounded like I was beating myself too harshly. But the recording was suppose to be the mark of a nfew start. It’s done after I realize I have to love myself more. I’m heading the right direction. At least I hope, and for now. 🙂

    Thank you all.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.