I’ve been emotionally confused, tired, and stressed. You all know that by now.
My depression a couple of months ago gave me the chance to see how helpless I can sometimes be inside a depression funnel. But when I’m out of it, I forgot that I used to be able to find peace in myself. I just let my emotional state in my depression carry on over to today. Mind you, I really know how impossible it was to control anything when I’m having my depression. I know that I’m out of it now, but the attention I got from my depression is what I’m still craving.
Yesterday, I went to a garden. It was after a big downpour. The garden was beautiful, peaceful, and calm. My complete opposite, emotionally. I had a chance to reflect and be silent.
I was afraid of silence. Silence in friendships. Sort of like the little cough, or clearing of your throat, sighing noise you make in a completely silent elevator with others. I was ruffling on things to create noise. To cut the silence. In this case, creating an emotional rumbling for myself and others.
Ironically, it is the very silence that I needed to find my zen. The lost zen that I used to be so proud of.
I found it yesterday in this garden. I am in the process of picking it back up, and restoring it. I still see dirt all over it. But I’m determined to clean it up, and enjoying it again, and hopefully being able to share it again.
I hope you will understand. When I’m empty inside, I can’t possibly offer anything to others. Even to those I desperately want to help and care for.
I hope I will again.
Lovely garden. Thanks for sharing John.
It is a lovely garden.
I may have found my zen, trying to pick it back up is still hard. It still cuts like a knife. But I hope I’m heading to the right direction.
Every once in awhile we need to pause and breathe. You’re doing just fine just remember your friends and family are here for you. Gambatte ong-san!
I was slap with a medical report stating the tumor on my arms were proven to be my worse fear. Cancer. Just yesterday. How am i taking the news? I cried, then watched Legally Blonde DVD. At least the bright side is, i found out about it on a very early stage.
Don’t push yourself so hard.
There’s always someone in a worse situation than you are.
But they’re handling it.
Depress or not, it’s your own choice.
Wyatt,
sorry about the news. Wish you all the best. Keep me posted.
Thanks John.
And remember, there are people out there who cares a lot about you.
Ohhh…. and the gardens does looks beautiful.
Cheer up and have a nice day!
John,remember that you are not alone,we always stay beside you & care for you! We all love you john! ” Genki Dashite!”
The garden really look so beautiful!!!