Up until last week, I didn’t really know what it feels like. I always thought that I’m blessed with a happy-go-lucky attitude that it isn’t going to come find me.
This last weekend, I felt like a zombie. I just didn’t want to do anything. Say anything. Not even do the thing that I tell everyone to do – to smile.
I spoke to and went to a couple of people I know will take my, (clearing throat), shit. Immediately after that, I felt better. But then, it comes back.
It’s still not gone yet. I was doing mostly fine today, but little tiny stupidest things would set me off. I’d illogically be feeling suspecious about things. I’d feel sad from that. And yes, illogical, but the sadness is as true as can be.
I am almost certain that it is from my trip. The travel. The parting with my family. Sudden change of routines.
I was going to wait until I’m out of this before I write or talk about it. But I choose to stay offline for a few days from iChat. If you’re used to see me there. I probably won’t be there for a few days. Only Bruce and my parents can see me online. I just need to get out of this funk before I can interact with people online. Because I don’t want you to worry, that’s why I write this now.
I’m going to take it easy a bit. Hide a bit. Don’t worry about me. I’m not going to go away. I just need a little room. I’m sure I’ll read this post in the future and laugh at my drama-queen reaction.
The letter D is for depression.
Hang in there, John. Take awhile off and get yourself back to normal. We’ll wait your return.
As a chinese pharse said:” To rest is also mean get prepared for long journey in future” Dun worry John, everything will be over & I’m still here waiting for u 🙂
Thanks Archerr and AKK.
I can’t say how long, but I don’t think it’s going to be long. I think a few more days I should be fine. But thanks for all the love and support.
There’s the mood swing now. Up this hour, down next hour. Weird. 🙂 Makes for good podcast for the future.
John, take all the time needed…. have rest…. and if u need anything, PGHK people are always here for you and we support you… take care
Thank you Charbour. The post was written when I was feeling really down. I have my ups and downs. Sometimes within a few hours. I am not completely fine, but I am not all that bad. Limited interactions would give me the time to recharge. Thanks for your support.
Hey John, u know what… I just get what u mean on what we had chat previously, to keep monitor ownself emotional… I got it liao… after reading this artical then I reallize… John, had to learn frm u 🙂 however All the best to you, John.
some time out certainly will works ! think positively, to hell to all the bad things, I m crossing my fingers for you, everything will be just fine, relax.
John:
You suffered culture shocks at home and now you have to adjust yourself back to the American cultures.Take all your time to rest and pull back yourself together and set for a better acceleration in future, good luck to you. You will be fine in no time. Stay busy.
john,don’t worry,take it slowly, we are always by your side,let time shows the way! hope you are feeling better now.
Well – its normal to feel shitty when you`ve left what you love. in this case -HOME, but its ok dude. a man`s gotta do what a man`s gotta do…..
🙂 heres a happy face for you 🙂 you can cut and paste this at your website. lol
Cheers
“have a break…have a Kit “…tut…”:-) dont worry u r always my Idol…take your time…
I love you
John, just let D go away…. H is waiting eagerly for u!!!
The letter H is for happiness =)
John, hang in there. I dont know how long it will take but u will be better once u get into the routine back in the states.
Take your time and hav some yummy sticky rich chocolate cake…
= >
OMG! I have never doubt the love and care you have for me. But I wasn’t expecting this many of you would leave me your messages.
I will address more in the future recordings. But thank you SO MUCH for your outpouring love. Every email and every comment I received meant so much to me, and definitely contributed to me feeling better.
I am doing a lot better. Still a little tender every now and then. Thanks.
John,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in the dumps… it will pass. It’s always hard to be away from you loved ones and the fact that you have to choose between your hubby and your parents just makes it worse.
Hang in there. Let us know if you need anything…
Peter
Hey John – I know where you’re coming from.
A little emotional quiet is good for the soul but rest assured that they all love you though at times it does not come out that way. People – they just don’t know what you mean sometimes – its not that they’re clueless (you wish that it was the case) but they just don’t get it and is less intuitive of your nuances.
It makes you special…. don’t forget that.
Eccentric but special and definitely not boring.
Take care and get well.
Hadi
Hey John!!!Don`t worry ok ! Remember that you are not alone!!!We love you very much!Be strong ok!!!
John,
By now, you are most certainly feeling better, I know so, because I know of your great resiliancy. But, even the most “up” people have their times of darkness, otherwise they must be fakes. Darkness, sadness, is a natural part of our lives. From my own experience, I prided myself on being so sunny and up most of the time, then when those times hit of the big “D”, I presumed I had failed by letting something go terribly wrong that I should have controlled.
Now, I know that those dark times were my biggest times of growth in depth, and compassion for others, greater maturity for me. I also learned to appreciate my close people more as a result. My best to you..
Chris
Love you John!
You are lucky that you at least have a support system around you here in the States. When i was a bit feeling the ‘D’, I actually did a podcast about it, per a suggestion I had from talking with you about it. It helps to get it out of your system.
Thought I’d drop you some support, since you were there for me when i was a bit down. It’ll get better. 🙂
In the UK at least, Depression is now the third biggest reason to visit a GP and yet, outside of the medical field, very few people understand what Depression is all about.
Please forgive the ‘sales pitch’ but you might just be interested in a brand new DVD just released by my company called EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT DEPRESSION and presented by UK Consultant Psychiatrist Dr Darryl Britto, who made the DVD especially for Depression patients and those training in the medical field. He discusses the myths about Depression, as well as its causes, symptoms, diagnosis, the various treatment including antidepressants, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and Social Intervention, and then goes on to discuss prognosis (outcomes of treatment.) MORE INFO AT: http://www.TimeTrappers.co.uk
Cheers, John Edmonds, CEO, TimeTrappers
John, catching up on some of this reading, as I am a new reader of your work, and find it refreshing you are so candid with sharing your struggles. Interesting balance of sharing the personal while still maintaining safe distance.
I am glad this spell appears to be over for now.